Shaq’s Fat Camp Finale

Here we are, at the culmination of Shaq’s conquest against childhood obesity. In one corner, we have fast food, video games, and sedentary lifestyles. In the other corner is Shaq and his entourage of health crusaders, flexing their muscles and munching on their sushi-style turkey wraps. We’ve seen a back and forth match up to this point folks. Getting the kids motivated to workout has been an uphill climb for the trainer, Mr. T. The school district canceled the 20 minute morning workouts. The challenge of healthy lunches has been threefold: they have to produce meals at a cost of $1/day; the lunch ladies are creatures of habit and don’t want to change; and most kids don’t like to eat healthy things like broccoli. But on the positive tip, the kids started bringing their friends to the workouts, they’ve been shedding pounds, and the school adopted the “Shaquille O’Neal Wellness Wheel”. Tonight (I actually didn’t watch live because I was attending the Barry Bonds Sweepstakes.)

Remember last time when they were going to extend the program 4 more months? Well, todays’ episode basically skims past those months and presents us with the culmination of everything. Shaq starts out gathering results for his meeting with the governor. Holy crap…the kid’s final President’s Challenge fitness test is being watching by a few thousand people sitting in the bleachers of a high school football stadium. Talk about effing pressure…jeez. Shaq wanted it to be special and has set up a “mini-Olympics”. There are spotlights, a marching band, cheerleaders, fans holding signs, a stage…just for the kids to do push-ups, sit-ups, and run a mile. Shaq, Doc, and Mr. T march across the football field in grand fashion. After the cheers subside, Shaq introduces the real stars by way of individual video montages broadcast on a jumbo screen.

We have Chris’ montage first. We learn a little background on him about his big Cuban meals and the fact that he was blind to his weight problem. Interspersed are shots of his parents weeping as the video plays. This feels like an Extreme Makeover so much I keep expecting Ty Pennington to jump out at any moment and tell us to move the bus. After the montage, Chris (or some skinny kid with a Chris mask) comes running across the field punching the sky. This is insane, he looks like a different person! Now I think I understand why the producers skipped those 4 months…for the WOW factor. He’s lost 77 pounds!!! He started at 206 lbs and he’s now 129 lbs. Call me a sap if you want, but that was a goosebump moment right there.

Ariel is next. We’re told that after her parents divorce, she ate her way through her depression. She used to go to the mall and get depressed because she couldn’t wear the cute clothes. She comes running down the field with a HUGE smile on her face. She’s lost 40 pounds, down from 211 to 171 pounds. She always had a positive attitude throughout the show, but she looks happier than she’s been at any point so far.

Kevin, the self proclaimed leader, is next. (As a side note: Kevin’s dad has progressively gotten sleazier looking as this series has progressed. He started out clean cut and severe looking. Now he’s got hair like Kramer in the Seinfeld episode when he and Jerry get low-flow shower heads, but he still looks pretty severe. He’s also sporting a red, tucked-in, sleeveless muscle shirt tonight…sexy.) Kevin comes running out to the podium waving his finger in the air with a huge grin plastered across his face. He started the program at 230 pounds, he’s lost 52 to reach 178 pounds. Kevin says, “All that’s on my mind is success, excellence, and greatness.” I think we might have a budding motivational speaker on our hands ladies and gentlemen.

Now it’s James’ turn who was undeniably the toughest customer for Shaq and Co. After his video montage, where we’re reminded that he’d never had a baby carrot in his life, the band starts a tuba led chant of “JAAAAAAMES, EAT YOUR VEGETABLES!” James runs out onto the field now. He’s lost 25 pounds and is down to 157. He looks like he could use a little bit more time in the program still. Now Shaq is doing his white man dance (which I’m sure he learned form Mark Madsen) and leading the whole crowd in the refrain. James tells us later that the song got annoying, because he does eat his vegetables, “sometimes”.

Kit is next. We’re reminded that when she started the program, at 263 pounds, half of her body weight was fat. (Today I am including my best reproduction of the face art she draws under her eye. Check it out to the right.) Kit’s mom weeps during Kit’s montage as she talks about how kids think she’s useless and isn’t included in any conversations because of the way she looks. Kit bounces across the field when her name is announced. She’s dropped 27 pounds, from 263 pounds to 236 pounds. She says that she loves the changes that have happened so far and expects them to continue.

Next is my favorite and Shaq’s favorite, Walter. His parents actually have very slight frames. I don’t see where he gets his build from. Walter used to be teased by other kids because of his weight. He sat at home and played video games mostly, rarely leaving the house or doing any sort of physical activity. Big Walt comes sprinting across the field waving peace signs (or victory signs?) in the air, and boy is he truckin’. Whoa! When he gets on stage, he rips off his shirt and flexes right in front of the camera man. He’s screaming and flexing…just a wild man! Still flexing…and not so much screaming now as he is grunting. If I didn’t know better, I’d think his psyche had been affected by performance enhancers. He is PUMPED. He’s holding an invisible microphone demanding, “You want a piece of meeee?!?” Some girls scream, “We love you Walter!!” and he takes Shaq’s microphone from him to tell them he loves them too. But after the big ceremony is over Walter says, “Aw crud. I just realized I didn’t get any of those girls’ numbers.” Priceless. Oh yeah, he’s down 64 pounds from 285 to 221 pounds.

Now the kids are stretching for the physical test. This pony show made me completely forget about the test. Doc is giving the kids a pep talk, telling them that they are role models for people watching at home. As I watch them, I still can’t get over how thin Chris is. It’s astounding (check him out on the right). Shaq tells them, “No matter what happens tonight, I’m proud of you. But we’re still not done. You know what the numbers are, you know what you gotta do.” Sit-ups are the first challenge. Chris did zero his first time out, average for a kid his age is 37. He gets down to business and does 39. James did 24 sit-ups his first time, and he’s aiming for the 37 average as well…he gets 47! T congratulates him with a spanking.

I guess we’re only getting little snippets of the physical exam because Kit’s doing push-ups now. She didn’t do any the first time, she’s aiming for 11 but ends up with 20. Ariel had the same previous numbers and goal as Kit, she does 25. Okay, I think someone traded Kevin in for a push-up robot. He just pumped out 49 of them. It was like a Chuck Norris workout video or something, all he needed was a red beard.

Now it’s time for the mile run. The band is giving a drumroll and the spotlight operators are spazzing out. Kevin beats his first time by 6 minutes and the average by over 30 seconds with a time of 7:31. Chris beats his first time by 9:30 and the average by 2 minutes with a time of 7:34. He more than cut his time in half. We’re getting scene cuts between the current challenge where all the kids are running nonstop and the first challenge when they power-walked most of the mile. Ariel cut 8 minutes of her first time and beat the average by about :15 with a time of 9:52. Walter cut over 8 1/2 minutes off his first time, but fell short of the average by 2:20 with a time of 10:05. Kit is walking, James is still running. James cut 3 1/2 minutes off his first time, but missed the average by 3 minutes with a time of 12:22. Kit is doubled over on the track, we have a flashback to when she as taken away in an ambulance, but Doc is telling her that she’s an inspiration for a kid watching at home who wants to quit too. This seems to have the desired affect because she jogs the last 100 meters to the finish line. We don’t see her time, but everyone is feeling positive because she didn’t quit.

Shaq’s on his way to learn the medical results. As Chris runs on the treadmill at the doctor’s office Shaq says, “I took Chris Britto and I rebuilt him…better, stronger, faster than before.” At the first visit, the doctor couldn’t even get the fat calipers around Kevin’s fat. Today Kevin tells us, “The hospital is finally somewhere where I get good news, not bad news. Yes sir.” Walter is singing while he does the treadmill. His MRI, which shows the fat around his midsection, is like night and day compared to the first MRI he took. He’s even got muscle buildup in addition to the lost fat. Shaq calls him “Walter Schwarzenegger”. Kevin’s MRI is really amazing, he’s got a lot of muscle where fat used to be. Ariel’s body fat percentage is at 30% which puts her in the “normal” category. Now we’ve got Kit, who tells us “I’m not losing weight as fast as everyone else…” On the treadmill/stress test Kit has improved by 92%, her cholesterol levels went from 172 to 140 which is normal. Chris is down to 14% body fat and I say again, he lost 77 pounds (he’s lighter by 37%, that’s insane!!). Chris then proceeds to tear up the photo of him from his first doctor’s visit. After all the check-ups, Shaq tells the kids that he really needs them to help him with the presentation to the governor. Then they do “Fit Kids!!!” cheer on the count of three.

Shaq is going to do some quick checks on all his programs before he meets with the Florida governor. His after school program has grown to over 200 kids. He invited leaders from the YMCA, Boys and Girls Club, and the mayor of Broward County to the after school program. They tell him they are all behind him on the efforts he has put forward so far. Now it’s off to see Chef Tyler at the school cafeteria. Over the course of the semester, he’s refined his menu to things like teriyaki chicken and ginger rice that only cost $1/meal. At Olsen Middle School, Shaq checks on the success of the Wellness Wheel. The school’s athletic director says the program has been a huge success. When they started the program four months ago, the average mile time was 12:23 while the national average was 9:15. Now the average at the middle school is 9:03. BMIs went down. Overal GPAs even went up from 2.3 to 2.5. Shaqs response, “Damn…”

Now the kids are all getting suits and haircuts for their meeting with the governor. Ariel tells us that she used to be depressed every time she came out of the dressing rooms at the mall. Now she loves to go shopping because everything she tries on looks good. When Walter gets his suit and struts down the hallway he has a warning, “Look out John Travolta, because here I come…he’s not still alive is he?” and then says to the camera, “Don’t you dare put that in.” They put it in, thank goodness.

Shaq and the glitzed up kids climb onto his personal jet and fly to meet the governor. They have a police escort from the airport to the capital building. Instead of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington it’s Mr O’Neal Goes to Tallahassee. Shaq, the kids, and all his support people (Mr. T, Chef Tyler, the school principal, Coach Dale Brown, the nutritionist, etc) are in the meeting with the governor. There’s four points they want to make: 1) Endorsement the Wellness Wheel program, 2) After school workout programs, 3) Cut the junk food out of school lunches, and 4) Educate parents on the importance of a healthy lifestyle.

Coach Brown talks about the need to be responsible for the welfare of our children. He says, “Strong people, in my opinion, they stand up for themselves. But stronger people stand up for others.” Chef Tyler is next. He shows the governor two plates. One has real fast food and the other has Broward County school food. They are indistinguishable. Then he brings over his teriyaki chicken, his pineapple salsa, his caesar salad, and his steamed veggies. Considering they are the same price, the benefit is obvious. The nutritionist recommends taking the health plan they’ve created and putting it on state-sponsored websites so that parents can download the information for free to benefit their kids the same as these kids have. The Wellness Wheel is finally described satisfactorily by the assistant principal. There are three spokes to the wheel: physical education, the home ec classes, and teen health classes. Now I know why they called it a “Wheel”. While the athletic director is talking about the improvements he’s seen, Shaq is mouthing to James that he needs to sit up straight. Oh James, you’ll always be the rebel. Then Mr. T talks about the need for after school programs. He says that the kids are his “rebels” and his “mavericks”, whatever that means.

The kids each do mini-testimonials. Walter (whose acne is nearly non-existent now) says he doesn’t get picked on anymore and he just enjoys each day at school so much more than he used to. James says he’s better at beating up his friends. Ariel says she hopes that they aren’t the only six kids that benefit from this. Kevin to the governor: “I want to give you a message. It’s time for a change, and that time is now.” I think Schwarzenegger used that in one of his campaign speeches last time. Reread that statement in your best Arnold accent…it fits doesn’t it?

At the press conference outside governor Crist says that it takes “people like Shaq O’Neal to make a difference.” Shaq O’Neal? Is he allowed to say it like that? I thought it was either Shaq or Shaquille O’Neal. One or the other, right? Anyway, the governor touts the great things that the Shaq team has accomplished and states that he wants to take the Broward County program state-wide and make it a great example for the whole country. Kevin takes the mic at one point, and in true motivational speaker form he says, “If I did it and these five did it, so can you!” It reminds me of the Rocky IV speech where Rocky tells the crowd after he defeats Drago, “I guess what I’m trying to say is, if I can change, and you can change, everybody can change!”

Chris is playing little league ball much better now. He can beat out those throws to first base. His mom signed him up for a gym membership by his house so he and his dad can go work out together. Since the program started, Kevin has been working out with his dad too. He says they are a LOT closer now. James is picking out bananas and low-fat ham at the grocery store with his mom instead of hot pockets and candy bars. Ariel is proud that she’s gone from “morbidly obese” to “normal”. She seems to have bought a lot of new dresses too. Kit talks about the friendships she’s made with the other kids and that those won’t disappear. Walter says he didn’t have any “real” friends before the program, he just played a lot of video games. “Just the normal life of a fat kid.” Now he’s got friends, and was voted Most Popular. He says, “I don’t know how I pulled that off, honestly.”

Shaq’s closing statements: “I feel that I’ve made an imprint. Started off with six, six-hundred is next. Then six thousand. Then six million. And I gonna keep pressin’ and pressin’, till it’s gone.”

Then they have the obligatory screen text that updates us on where things stand right now. Governor Crist has made PE mandatory for grades K-5 and is “exploring” ways to take the Wellness Wheel and Shaq’s other programs statewide. Chef Tyler’s menus will be on the Broward County school menu starting in Fall 2007.

As the credits roll, we see Kit jogging on a treadmill at her local gym, with her voice over: “I know everybody might be thinking out there, “Oh, but she didn’t make it as far as the others.” But it doesn’t mean it’s gonna weigh me down. I still got a whole bunch more. I got the rest of my life. This is just the beginning for me. It’s gonna be a thing of a lifetime, I’m not gonna turn back now.”

Before

(L to R: Kit, Ariel, James, Chris, Walter, Kevin)

After

(L to R: Chris!, James, Walter, Kit, Ariel, Kevin)

Tags: By Lunchbox, fat camp, inspiration, NBA, Shaq