With my first fantasy football draft coming up this weekend, I’ve been combing my way through every ‘fantasy ranking’ and ‘mock draft’ I can find on the internet. With all these players running through my head, and all the assumptions we make about their performance in the game, no one ever talks about end zone dances. Then I read this piece, where Peter King talks about his interaction with Chad Johnson, and Chad’s plans for the post-TD celebration he has planned for his first TD of the year. And that got me thinking; what are some other celebrations we can expect to see this year? Well, here they are
The 20 Celebrations You Should Expect This Year (And Some You Shouldn’t)
1. Clinton Portis scores a TD on the first play in week 1 and pulls up lame to the sidelines with yet another injury.
2. LenDale White scores, has a sandwich.
3. Willie Parker speeds down the sidelines and into the endzone, Hines Ward gives him a manicure.
4. Edgerrin James scores his first touchdown of the season in week 11, kicks agent in the nuts.
5. Tom Brady airs it out long to Randy Moss for a touchdown. Moss looks at fans soaking it in. Then the cameras cut to the guy the Raiders drafted with the 4th round pick they got in exchange for Moss showing him cleaning out the Fry-O-Matic at a Del Taco in Medford, OR.
6. Marvin Harrison scores.
(crickets)
7. Any Denver running back scores a TD and Mike Shannahan immediately replaces him with another RB for the celebration who, in turn, is replaced mid celebration.
8. Eli Manning throws a terrible pick that is returned 75 yards for a TD, 30 minute clip of his childhood is shown.
9. Any Raider scores a touchdown, then wakes up and realizes they were just dreaming.
10. Joey Harrington throws a TD on a deep slant to Joe Horn, proceeds to play hour and a half piano concert at midfield.
11. Mario Williams recovers a fumble, and as he is about to cross the goal line, he tries to do Reggie Bush’s flip (just to prove the Texans aren’t idiots) but lands awkwardly and snaps his spine, thus proving that the Texans are indeed idiots.
12. Kellen Winslow Jr. catches a pass in the end zone, then gets on his Kawasaki Ninja and jumps over 8 school buses.
13. Shaun Alexander scores, apologizes for last year.
14. Steven Jackson makes a nice little 7 yard run into the end zone, then turns invisible and blasts the entire stadium with his shoulder cannon.
15. Brett Favre breaks Dan Marino’s passing TD record, then snaps the neck of a unicorn and drinks it’s blood in order to have the strength to continue playing at his age.
16. Tom Brady throws another TD pass, pulls a mirror out his pocket, looks in it and says: “You still got it Tom!”
17. Jeff Garcia scores, watches Matt Leinart bang his wife.
18. Brady Quinn runs one in on a boot leg, then proceeds to have a “hand party” with everyone else on the field.
19. Todd Heap scores a red zone TD, then immediately leaves the stadium, gets on a plane, and takes a two year mission trip to build houses in Guatemala.
20. Michael Vick breaks off an 80 yard run that is called back for a holding violation, proceeds to strangle, electrocute, and slam the refs head into the turf.
What? Too soon?
Mad ups to my boys Balls, Vert, Pooholes, and TMAN for helping compile this list.
This was absolutely hilarious. The Predator reference was my favorite.