These would be the teams that some so called expert are talking about having some sort of national title contention. But we beg to differ. And now, we look at the wrestlers that best represent these glorified jobber.
1. Michigan: Dean Malenko
“Boooooring, Booooooring” rings out while both these wanna be titans go against their foes. Give Dean all the nicknames you want, The Iceman, The Man of 1,000 Holds, and it’s still just boring to watch. Same with Michigan. Hype ‘em up all you want, their still the ultimate cure for insomnia.
2. Cal: Glacier
Oh man, speaking of not delivering on hype…here comes Glacier/Cal! WCW ran promos for months promoting the debut of this “karate master” and when he showed up, he was laughed out of the ring. All the lasers and fake snow in the world can’t cover the fact that he just looked like Sub Zero with a slight case of downs syndrome. People try to talk about Cal and how great they are, and how much offense they have, but they’ll always just be a bunch of hippies from Berkley. Have fun playing hackey sack, hippies!
3. Oklahoma: Vader
You wanna talk fatties? How about Oklahoma and Vader, for starters. Vader was pushed as a monster, but really, he was just an eating champion in tights. That’s how I feel about Oklahoma as well. Vader Bomb, Shmader Shmomb. Anybody who throws up the Vulcan hand symbol is a nerd. Oklahoma looks like it hasn’t passed on seconds in it’s life. Oklahoma has to buy two seats when they fly coach. Oklahoma gives really good blow jobs to make up for the fact that they aren’t much to look at. Get where I’m going with this? NO FAT CHICKS! Or football players…
4. Wisconsin: Rowdy Roddy Piper
What the hell was Piper doing headlining Wrestlemania I? Same thing Wisconsin is doing in the top 10: being the awkward guy at the party that no one really knows. Everyone stands there pointing and asking each other, “do you know that guy?” and no one does. Piper never had the skills to be at the top, and neither does Wisconsin. Also, for no reason in particular, they both wear kilts. Weird.
5. UCLA: The 1-2-3 Kid
Ah, UCLA. My alma mater. Way to upset USC last year. Guess what? That’s as good as it’s gonna get for a while. I remember when The 1-2-3 Kid upset Razor Ramon to “earn” his way into the WWF. It never got better than that moment for Sean Waltman. In fact, I saw his sex tape with Chyna, and promptly punched a hole in computer screen. Congrats, UCLA, that’s what you’ve got to look forward to, video taping yourself boning some dude who looks kinda like a woman.
6. Georgia: Goldust
Goldust was the first ambiguously gay character in wrestling. He would come out in a gold jump suit, feel up his opponents, and generally freak everyone out. Georgia is the first major school with an openly gay quarterback. At least that’s what I can gather from these pictures.
