JP: I feel like I’m starting to get a little better at this picking NFL games thing. Which is probably a sure sign that you should stay away from my picks this week. If you want to test your prediction abilities, head over to Fanyard and see what you’ve got.
BB: Jon, I think you are getting better at this. In fact, I think you might be a football pool shark, lulling me into a false sense of security until you start hitting all 16 games the last 4 weeks of the season. I know your type. I’ve seen you ’round. I’ll be ready.
JP: Patriots by 24 over Browns
If there’s one thing I know about Belichick, it’s that he’s a vengeful and angry individual. There is no doubt in my mind he remembers being run out of Cleveland on a rail. I can only imagine his glee if he gets the chance to run up the score. And by glee, I mean grimacing for no apparent reason.
BB: Patriots by 33 over Browns
If there’s one thing I know about Tom Brady, it is that he likes to impress super-models with his athletic prowess. Also, I have a sneaking suspicion he thinks Bill Belichick is a super-model under that ratty, old sweater. Guess who gets happy after the game?
JP: Packers by 6 over Bears
The Pack at home, riding a wave of momentum will be tough to beat. Unless of course, the Bears acquire a QB between now and Sunday. Jeff George (the original Rex Grossman) is probably hanging around Chicago’s practice facility as we speak working on reasons he happened to be on the area.
BB: Packers by 4 over Bears
Now, I am going with the Yardstick in the rest of the games because, as Alikat over at Hot Chicks Hot Picks says – more colorfully than I – the games this week suck. Where’s the drama?
JP: Texans by 3 over Dolphins
I just spent 15 minutes thinking of a good nickname for Matt Schaub. Corn on the Schaub was the best I could come up with, which is positively Berman-esque.
BB: Texans by 6 over Dolphins
Watching the Oakland Raiders beat down on the Dolphins last week, I mistakenly thought at one point early in the game that Sebastian Janikowski was quarterbacking the Raiders. Upon closer evaluation, I recognized a fat Daunte Culpepper. A fat Daunte Culpepper with a ruined leg who ran for 3 TDs and passed for two more, even though he only completed five damn passes.
JP: Cowboys by 7 over Bills
If it were colder in Buffalo, I would pick the Cowboys to lose. I’m really buying into this Trent Edwards era. The NFL must seem easy compared to trying to win at Stanford. Lord knows he’s taken some lumps and won’t back down from an impossible challenge.
BB: Cowboys by 10 over Bills
Let’s see if Trent Edwards can bring the Bills into the world of truly competitive football. I hope he does, because I dropped the Cowboys defense in my fantasy league this week. I have my doubts.
JP: Lions by 10 over Redskins
It’s still in the realm of possibility that Kitna could win the MVP. After reading that article the Sports Guy linked to, anything seems possible.
BB: Redskins by 2 over Lions
The battle of Good vs. Evil continues as Daniel Snyder’s evil empire gets a visit by the quarterback that God loves, Jon Kitna. The real miracle would be if Matt Millen’s team has a winning record at the end of the season.
JP: Panthers by 4 over Saints
Until the Saints actually show something, I can’t pick them. And Carolina always seems to defy collective wisdom and win games they shouldn’t. David Carr is probably watching Schaub and itching to prove himself.
BB: Saints by 3 over Panthers
This game is going to be a sleeper and the loser can close shop for the rest of the year. The only exciting thing will be watching to see if Reggie Bush can actually carry his team. Or at least get people to shut up about it. Someone wake me up and tell me who won…
JP: Colts by 9 over Buccaneers
This game will be interesting to see just how good the Bucs really are, as one the league’s best should be a good measuring stick.
BB: Colts by 9 over Buccaneers
I just saw Ronde Barber turn into Shaun Alexander. Then, when Shaun spoke, the words sounded like Tiki Barber, who was praising the work ethic of Eli Manning. I think I might stop drinking now.
JP: Titans by 1 over Falcons
I don’t think the Falcons defense can stop the wily Vince Young. But, I can’t help but believing in Joey Harrington. I think my love of Joey has reached an unhealthy level.
BB: Titans by 7 over Falcons
I am honestly stunned by the play of Joey Harrington lately. How can I keep bashing this twit if he keeps this up?
JP: Cardinals by 12 over Rams
Leinart and Warner! Or is it Warner and Leinart? Either way, this storyline is incredibly intriguing. They kind of have a Dennis Quaid-Jamie Foxx from “Any Given Sunday” vibe about them right now. All that’s missing is Leinart getting in a fight with Edge in the locker room.
BB: Cardinals by 4 over Rams
Even the Rams are aware of how bad their O-line is, and they have benched Marc Bulger and his $60-million dollars just so they can at least enjoy something about the game. Watch them snicker as Gus Frerotte gets pancaked over and over.
JP: Chargers by 10 over Broncos
The Bolts NEED this game. As bad as Norv and Ted have been, the sheer talent and motivation of the players should take over. Although Denver has always reloaded at RB, Travis Henry’s impending suspension hurts them.
BB: Broncos by 1 over Chargers
Does it matter who runs for the Broncos? Mike Shanahan could probably pick up 75 yards himself against Lights Out and his wasting band of Merry Men. Turner is such a bad coach that…oh, why kick him when he’s down.
JP: Steelers by 7 over Seahawks
Super Bowl rematch, with less fanfare. At least Jeremy Stevens isn’t prominently involved. Does he even play for Seattle anymore? He’s off somewhere dropping passes either way.
BB: Steelers by 6 over Seahawks
Matt Hasselbeck once told a joke. “There are three kinds of people in this world: those who can count, and those who can’t.” That’s the only nice thing I can say about him right now
JP: 49ers by 4 over Ravens
This is the opposite of a stone cold, lead pipe, 6-star lock of the week. I don’t trust the Ravens as far as I can throw Steve McNair. Which isn’t very far. Seems like a very sturdy guy and a good wrestler. In fact, when he’s done with the NFL he should be on that Last One Standing show… which is awesome by the way.
BB: Ravens by 3 over 49ers
This hurts me to say, but the Niners offense was so bad last week that I can’t see them scoring any more points all year long. I call 3-0 for Baltimore.
JP: Giants by 2 over Jets
The battle of the Meadowlands! For the sake of everyone’s favorite Giants fan, SportsGirl365, I’m picking Coughlin’s boys. Besides, the mutiny is still a week or two away.
BB: Giants by 4 over Jets
This should be interesting to me only because the Giants defense is who I replaced Dallas with in my fantasy pool. How very American of me, that knee-jerk reaction.
JP: Jaguars by 3 over Chiefs
Maurice Jones-Drew is a bowling ball of a man, who must be licking his chops. I’m fairly sure the Chiefs can’t stop him. Unless of course Dwayne Bowe lines up on defense.
BB: Chiefs by 12 over Jaguars
Can Jacksonville actually look past a team? If so, the Chiefs are that team. Damn Herm Edwards…I hope I am wrong.