I can’t tell if the Giants look like geniuses right now, or ass clowns.
So Barry’s probably going to jail. Let’s go ahead and make a list for this “big news story” (see the quotes? They’re there because we all saw this coming). Top 10 Possible Crappy Newspaper Headlines!
10. Bye Bye Barry/Busted Barry/Balco Bonds – Alliterations are kind of a big deal to newspapers. Actually, these are probably some of the most likely ones.
9. Going, Going, Gone…To Prison! – Because that’s what you say when someone hits a home run, and Barry Bonds hit a lot of home runs.
8. Liar Liar Bonds On Fire – Ah, nothing sells papers like referencing an old children’s rhyme.
7. Gone Bonds – It’s a pun on Bon Bons. What’s really funny is that some lazy editor will actually let this go through. Probably in the midwest somewhere.
6. Don’t Drop the Soap – Because it feels like everyone is making gay jokes these days.
5. Home Run Chump – Finally! Now all those beat writers who thought Bonds was juicing can finally be proven right, and now they can burn him with a headline like this. Way to go, nerds.
4. B*nds Indicted – Because nothing can raise a ruckus with the baseball world like the ‘ol asterisk. You hit ‘shift 8′ and people take notice.
3. Get Busy Living, Or Get Buys Lying – This one is a bit of a stretch, because it is a play on a movie quote (Shawshank Redemption for those of you who don’t know) but some guy who spent six years a double major in journalism and film with think it’s hilarious.
2. Justice Is Served – Because people hate Barry Bond, they feel that he deserves to have the worst things happen to him. As though the cosmos have finally been made right by Bonds being indicted. This totally makes up for the Holocaust in some people’s minds. What? You didn’t know Barry Bonds was responsible for the Holocaust? Well he was. And FINALLY justice has been served.
1. A-Rod Signs With Yankees – Oh, wait, THIS is the most likely headline on all tomorrow’s papers…