The season is now three quarters of the way through, and what have we learned? 1) I hate the Patriots 2) The Patriots are good at football and 3) This makes me want to see how far I can kick a puppy. Stupid freakin’ Patriots! But we’ll get into more detail about that in The Top 10 Things That Happened in NFL week 13.
10. Homage Done Right - Before I get into any rants or mak-em-ups I just want to applaud the Washington Redskins as an organization for being classy and gutsy. They did a bang up job of remembering Sean Taylor this past week, and I’m sure they will continue to do so for some time. The fact that they played their first defensive snap with only 10 men on the field, so symbolize that Taylor was in fact still with them was really nicely done.
9. McCown Doesn’t Miss Circus - In the latest chapter of Random Guys Off The Street Starting At QB In The NFL, Luke McCown suited up and actually won a game for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. When asked by reporters what he had been up to before getting the call from the Bucs, McCown was very candid. “I had been working in a traveling circus for the past few years, performing under the name ‘McClown’. And let me tell, that life is not all smiles and balloon animals that it would seem. You go days on end without sleep, staying up and watching juggling film and taking hits in the shins from a million bratty little kids. To be honest playing in the NFL is a nice little reprieve from all that.”
8. Miami Stays Winless - As I said in this week’s pick ‘em, I’m picking Miami every week from here on out. They have to win one game…don’t they? This week seemed like a pretty good opportunity, what with the Jets being terrible and it being a home game, but they let it slip away. But with Buffalo (on the road) and Cincinnati (at home, last game of the season) still on their schedule, I say no way the ‘Phins don’t win one freakin’ game.
7. Ravens Admit To Bribe - “Yeah, we took money, what of it?” steamed LB Ray Lewis after the Ravens had come so close to beating the Patriots. Ray would go on to paint the picture of a nervous Robert Kraft (owner of the Patriots) coming into their locker room at half time, sweating like a slave. “Kraft was all shakey, and this eyes were darting around all crazy like. He told us that if we made sure his boys won, that there would be a little something extra in our paychecks this week.” Saftey Ed Reed added that Kraft would throw in new cars if they “made it look believable. And sexy.”.
6. Manning Slightly Better Than Grossman – I can’t believe a game like the one between the Giants and the Bears was the one Fox chose for it’s double header this week. Like I really need to watch two highly suspect QBs duke it out to see who is less crappy. Rex Grossman held the ball way to long against such an aggressive Giants front, and Eli Manning continues to give footballs to the opposing team like they are Christmas cards. Both of these men have been scrutinized by the media and their fan bases, and neither did anything to quiet those critics. Yes, Grossman had a great opening drive and Eli finished the game strong but…wait a minute…Eli bad at the beginning, Grossman bad at the end? How does this all fit together? Manning and Grossman, Manning and Grossman, Manning and Grossman…Oh my god, I just figured it out…
5. Eli And Rex Are The Same Person! – It all makes perfect sense now! Tired of being scrutinized by the Big Apple spotlight, Eli Manning killed and took over the play calling duties of Rex Grossman. That’s why their play is so similar, and so sporadic. Eli must employ someone to stand in for him when the two teams play at the same time, and that would explain why sometimes one of them (Grossman or Manning) actually has a good game! Ever wonder why former Heisman Trophy winner, Ryan White, never made it in the NFL? It’s because Eli Manning got to him and paid him to be his double. Eli Manning is an evil genius! I have exercised the demons…this room, is clear.
4. NFL Needs to Review Reviews - Let me start off my saying that the review system in place now is much better than having no review system whatsoever. That being said, I think the current one needs some tweaking this offseason. Already, two close games (both involving the Browns by the way) have needed some review where it wasn’t permitted. Both field goals and the ‘force out rule’ need to be challenge-able, and booth reviews in the last two minute need to be more consistent. I’ve seen a few plays in the closing minutes of games that are close, and should have the proper time devoted to making sure they were correct. All this does is make sure calls get made correctly and bad ones don’t effect the outcomes of these games. I think it would suck to watch 59 minutes of a great game and then have it all blown to hell by one bad call, or one missed call, or whatever.
3. Seattle Caught Cheating - After AJ Feeley threw three unbelievable picks to Seattle LB Lofa Tatupu, Eagles head ball coach Andy Reid called up the commissioners office to complain. Apparently, Seattle has been using new technology to render some of its players invisible to opponents. Commish Goodell released a statement saying, “The NFL does it’s best to keep up with new kinds of cheating. We’ve working diligently to stay up on the newest forms of performance enhancing drugs, but this new invisibility cloak must have slipped through our fingers. Apparently it was created at a private school over in England, and flown over on the back of a dragon. The league will look into this, and other forms for witchcraft that may be infiltrating our league. Besides, it’s AJ Feeley! He was totally going to throw those picks anyways.”.
2. Playoff Picture - With Dallas beating The Pack on Thursday, the top of the NFC picture becomes a bit clearer. That, coupled with the Lions fall from the face of the Earth has shaken up the NFC a bit. Let’s take a look at who would make it in if the season ended today:
NFC: 1. Dallas Cowboys (clinched playoff spot) 2. Green Bay Packers 3. Seattle Seahawks 4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 5. New York Giants 6. Arizona Cardinals/Minnesota Vikings (I have no idea who comes out on top of this tie)
AFC 1. New England Patriots (clinched division) 2. Indianapolis Colts 3. Pittsburgh Steelers 4. San Diego Chargers 5. Jacksonville Jaguars 6. Tennessee Titans/Cleveland Browns (again, I don’t know who wins this tie)
1. We Don’t Link Enough – Head on over to MSN for their Pop-A-Day feature, click on November 6th (the one with the picture of Paris Hilton and a video tape) to see your boy DLamp act the fool.