Man I loves me some Street Fighter II. Have you seen the trailer for Street Fighter IV? Well you should get on that if you haven’t. I just hope it rocks like SFII and isn’t weird like SFIII. Oh, and bring back Guile. That guys hair was so cool, he made me make sonic boom-boom in my pants. Then Jean Claude went and screwed everything up. Wait, what’s this post about again? Oh yeah, the divisional round of the playoffs. Man, what a couple of great games on Sunday. Saturday was okay, but Sunday was so good it made Saturday look like Zangief vs Balrog. But enough about Street Fighter (for now) let’s get on to The Top 10 Things That Happened this week in the NFL!
10. Patriots Stay Perfect - You know, I think I’ve been going about hating on the Patriots all wrong. Each week I think they are going down, that whatever team is up now is going to do what all teams before them couldn’t. And then I’m sad when Tom Brady and his perfect smile kick someone’s teeth in. Well no more! After the Pats throttled the Jags (with Brady going an ungodly 26-for-28) I am going to start rooting for the Patriots to score 100 points a game, and hope that my karma is bad enough to knock them off track. Take that, fates!
9. Wrong Manning Brother Thought Be Gay - Huh, who would have thunk it?
8. Packers Punch Seahawks In Mouth - Wow. Talk about getting yours handed to you. The Packers rolled all over the Seahawks on Saturday, in the best kind of game to watch: snow game! Oh man I loves me some snow games. Maybe it’s because it never snows here, so it seems like something magical is happening, or maybe it’s just nastalgia. But besides that, the Squaks came out and got hosed. Think about it, if Ryan Grant hadn’t fumbled his first two carries, Seattle may never have scored a TD. All in all this game felt like I was watching a dad school his son in some one on one on the driveway by just hitting long jump shot after jump shot.
7. Simpson Fans Ban Romo - Citing a poor box office showing for Jessica Simpson’s latest movie, fan club president Lindsey Cahill has started a petition to keep Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo away from her next premiere. Simpson dismisses the claims that Romo is a curse, and says that he is not a distraction from her work, and that the films poor performance falls squarely on her shoulders. Although if Patrick Crayton had just done that crucial 3rd down radio interview to promote it, things might have turned out differently.
6. Bolts Beat Colts - If you had told me that the Chargers were going to beat the Colts this week without Phillip Rivers and LDT, I would have punched you in the face and stolen your tears, because I would have been sure that you were a gypsy. But somehow the Chargers pulled off the upset and will now go on to get beat by the Patriots in the conference championships. Good for them. Now Tony Dungy can retire to his life of robbing from the rich and giving to the poor, or whatever Christians are doing these days.
5. Volek Plays Game Hungover – Sources within the Chargers organization have revealed to Pyle of List that QB Billy Volek played in last weekends playoff game “totally hangover as shit”. Citing the fact that he never plays, and that the team would put LDT in at QB before him, Volek took advantage of all the exciting nightlife Indianapolis has to offer. And after those ten minutes were up, he just got drunk at the hotel bar. One look at Volek on the sideline confirmed this report.
4. TO Cries, Romo Chokes, and Eli Does the Unthinkable - Man, after all these upsets, no team will ever rest it’s starters ever again. How in the hell do you let Downie “Eli” Manning beat you in the playoffs? Well at least Wade Phillips will have a reason to eat so much this offseason. The Giants were just more fired up, and more physical all day. Well, at least after the Cowboys put Barber back in the garage for some weird reason. Peter King probably cried his eyes out that his boy Romo didn’t get to smile off into the sunset. Poor guy…
3. Philip Rivers Cares About The Fans - Anyone watching the game Sunday saw how much the fans care about Philip Rivers, and how much he cares about them. As he was making his way to the locker room to get his knee looked at, some fans were clearly concerned about his injury. Rivers looked up and shouted “THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I APPRECIATE THAT!” to let them know he had heard them. What a great guy. (Actually, I just wanted to talk about how after this moment my friends and I spent the better part of an hour shouting very nice and proper things at each other in a southern accent. You should try it, it’s really fun.)
2. Conference Championship Predictions -
AFC: Um, Patriots by 56! Wooooo! Tom Brady can’t be stopped by anyone, expect Tom Brady himself*. Woooo!
NFC: I’m pretty sure that Eli and the Stone of Destiny will pull this one out.
1. We Don’t Link Enough - Here’s where that asterisk in #2 should have led you to.
“All in all this game felt like I was watching a dad school his son in some one on one on the driveway by just hitting long jump shot after jump shot.”
Ouch Danny, very ouch.
That read like a Shoryuken right to my gooch.
Lamp, didn’t you already know which Mannning brother was the gay one, you know, from personal experience?
Lampson always kills. Please replace Peter King on si.com. He’s losing it