Everyone’s favorite blogger interviews* are back! And with a vengeance! (*This statement has not been verified)
Monday Morning Punter (or Punter as I like to call him) is a man so complex, interesting and funny that it took several months to complete an interview with him. He’s the author of several of the funny posts you’ve read over at Kissing Suzy Kolber, including “Free Crackers for Fitty” and that one with all the gay jokes. Not too long ago we were opponents in the “Contest that Shall Never Be Mentioned Again” by the Ladies…, where I used a Karate Kid-themed smear campaign to eek out a narrow victory. Yes, it meant that much to me.
While I may have won the battle, I have a distinct feeling he’s winning the war. Particularly if the war is decided by bocceball. Without further adieu, the incomparable Punter!
3 best games you’ve ever watched (in person or on TV).
No.1 would be the 2002 National Championship game when Ohio State beat Miami in double-overtime. Holy shit, that game was awesome. I was at a party in Columbus, and when it was over, we all ran out onto High Street high-fiving random people walking by. And not just one or two people; we were fiving mobs of people for like 5 or 6 blocks. Second: Super Bowl XXIII when Joe Montana ruined my life by staging that comeback against my Bengals. I watched that game with the fam, and we were all crying after that game. Fucking Joe Montana. For the bronze medal, I have to pick the time Christmas Ape came down to South Carolina for a Madden tournament last summer. It was me and Ape in the finals; he was blowing me out in the first half but I made a comeback in the second half and had a chance to win the game on the last play. He was being a cocky little shit, too, wearing his Hines Ward jersey around my house and talking shit to my friends. We all took it pretty seriously. Still, it was a blast. The whole weekend he was here, I only found a soiled condom in my ass one time, so that was a plus.
What teams do you follow? Sports?
I follow all the Cincinnati pro teams and Ohio State. I spent a year at Eastern Michigan, so I will gush with pride whenever I see E MICHIGAN scroll across the ESPN ticker. That’s about as well as you can follow that school. I stalked a girl on the basketball team while I was there. She was ugly. I try to follow as many sports as I can. My favorite Olympic sport is curling. I’m trying to learn more about cricket. Any time I run into someone that looks Indian, I ask him about cricket. It’s an icebreaker.
What is your greatest athletic achievement?
I have a lot of good achievements, but none great. I bowled a 241 once. I was an all-city wrestler in high school and also played football. I’ve won a club hockey championship, a toughman fight while I was drunk off my ass, and several games of bocce. I will whip your ass in bocce, Pyle. I ain’t even bullshittin’.
Why do you blog?
I enjoy being part of this community. The feedback and discussion that a good post can create, I really enjoy being a part of that. Plus writing gives me something to do while my porn downloads.
What do you want KSK to be known for?
I think our mission all along was to be a site that was sympathetic to gays.
Do you want to do this for a living?
I think I could do better work if this was the only thing I did during the day. I never write at my job, and after getting ass-fucked in an office all day, it can be hard to concentrate on writing for a decent amount of time. When we first started this blog, I didn’t write much of anything. And, to be honest, juggling the writing with a full-time job is something with which I still struggle.
Thoughts on the present and the future for the blogosphere. How does it fit with the mainstream media?
Honestly, I think the blogs could be on the verge of taking over, and let me tell you why. What did you do ten years ago when you had to take a shit? You took a newspaper. Now, when I go to do work in my “office with the handrails,” I just take my cell phone and read news from there. As portable web technology improves, the electronic media, most of which are free, will be outservicing their older counterparts. Fewer eyeballs on newspapers and magazines. More eyeballs on blogs and websites. Blogs are kicking the shit out of old media in terms of opinion-based content. Where we’re lagging is day-to-day reporting and statistical data. I think as the medium matures, which I think it can do very quickly, we’ll see more game-by-game “straight” reporting blogs. And some nerd will figure out how to post real-time stats for free before any of us know it. It won’t be long before one of us squeezing his little brown brother while reading his own customized electronic sports page from a mobile device. Aside from acquiring video highlights, there’s nothing that a network/newspaper/website can’t do that an army of bloggers won’t match down the line.
Any suggestions for a future interview?
I’d certainly recommend any of my KSK boys, but also I think someone making a name for herself is our buddy SportsGirl365, Sarah Schorno, who suddenly is everywhere now. I think a MUST interview would be Matt Hinton, the guy that does Sunday Morning Quarterback. It’s a college football blog, but it’s easily one of the best blogs out there.
What piece of writing from your blog are you most proud of? Which is the most popular that you wrote?
I try to just focus on my next post and not rip off the other guys too much. Not to sound like a whore, but whenever a post gets a lot of hits or more than 30 comments, I feel like I’ve done my part. I don’t contribute as much as I like, so I want to put up good shit when I do.
Word on the street is KSK formed from the bowels of Deadspin comments. How did you find Deadspin?
I found it after reading Chris Ballard’s piece on Bill Simmons in SI. It helped me realize two things. One, that I was not the only demented mind in the universe that bonded over sports, and secondly, there really are no awesome people like that in the Deep South. And if anyone in Upstate South Carolina would like to say otherwise, send me an email and we’ll meet for beer. First pitcher’s on me.
Tell us something interesting about each of your colleagues at KSK.
Well, Drew actually doesn’t write anymore. We’ve hired a cadre of Nigerians that write under his byline, which has worked out really well. We haven’t paid them yet, but we promised each of them $50 million as soon as they give us their bank information. Ape was actually on Hillary Clinton’s campaign before she found out that he smoked cigars. Flubby is an American-made robot that requires constant recharging. Ufford’s first language is Spanish and Maj owns a shirt made entirely of bacon.
Where did the inspiration for Free Crackers for Fitty come from?
I was vacationing in Utah with family, and I felt like I had a chance to write something different while I was away from work and some of the other general stresses of real life. It was really just a stab at something character-based, which at the time we hadn’t really done much of at KSK. My writing in Utah eventually became Acts I and II, and I wrote III after the warm reaction that the first two received, which did surprise me. There will be more Fittys and all the loose ends and lingering questions will be addressed; Acts IV, V and VI will probably come out consecutively, like the first two. The first 80 percent is fun to write, but trying to tie everything up in that last 20 percent is a bitch.
How would you describe your contribution to KSK? What makes it unique?
Whenever we get together, I’m the one that has to suck Drew off. [Laughs.] That was a joke, by the way. See how I put the word “laughs” in brackets, there? Yeah? Okay, good. No, I try and pick up the slack on the technical end of things. I did the Sex Cannon design for our shirts and I was responsible for the “night vision” re-design for our site. I design a lot of the tees in our shop. As far as my written work, I just try to do something different with each post. I don’t write as often as I’d like, but when I do get that chance, I try to put out something good. At some point, I actually hope to do so.
Describe the creative process for KSK. How are decisions made regarding the content on the site?
We’re very cellular in our creativity. We’ll toss around ideas once in a while, but once one of us gets a topic, the work usually stays hidden from the group until it hits the blog. It’s like Christmas twice a day, reading your own blog and laughing at something that one of your friends wrote.
How does it feel to be an incredibly popular blog with a passionate following?
It’s a privilege to have the forum that we do. I think it helps that we write about the NFL and NFL people. But it’s flattering to be able to ask people if they want to join our fantasy football league and to be overwhelmed with responses. I just try and do my part.
That guy’s awesome!
That really makes me feel so much better about being the only person to be defeated by Punter in the contest that dare not speak its’ name.
I’d also like to thank you for taking revenge on the Nigerians. Those bastards never come through.
I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve received every penny promised by the Nigerians and the English lottery. I’m fucking filthy rich.
What is this Ladies… thing you guys keep talking about? Did I miss something?
Sorry, Punter… Lowcountry of SC here…
and on second thought, I’m not really ‘awesome, so much as I’m just ‘some’.