“Oooh, look at me, I’m some NFL know-it-all who thinks he knows exactly how the draft is going to go down. But in three weeks I’ll do this again and totally change my mind. But trust me on this one!”
Ugh, I’m so tired of reading mock drafts. I even heard one on the radio the other morning. I think we all pretty much get it at this point. And what’s more, no one is going to be 100% right. Look at last year: who had the Dolphins taking Ted Ginn Jr. at ninth overall. Anybody? That’s right, no one did. And who’s to say that crazy ‘ol Herm Edwards isn’t going to take a punter with the 5th overall he’s sitting on (“With our offense, we need to make sure that we got a guy that can really boom the ball. I mean, we’re going to be punting A LOT!”). So with all that being said, here’s my mocking mock draft, which is just as likely to happen, and probably more fun to read. Oh, and I’m only doing the top 10 picks, because who cares what the hell the Panthers are going to do!
#1 – Lawrence Taylor – Bill Parcells loves him some LT. He drafted Demarcus Ware because he reminded him of LT. He bought stock in Google because LT recommended it. He would totally draft LT all over again. And LT could really use the paycheck.
#2 – Time Machine – The year 2000 never looked so sweet! And with this pick, the Rams have found the only way to relive those glory days.
#3 – Mike Vick – Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on Arthur Blank. At least this time they didn’t basically trade Ladanian Tomlinson for him…
#4 – Al Davis – Only Al Davis is cuh-razy enough to draft himself fourth overall. The only upside is he’ll probably get fed up and cut himself halfway through training camp.
#5 – Jake Long – No one predicted he would fall this far, the Chiefs need O-line help, and I can’t think of a good joke for them.
#6 – Whomever they think the Patriots are going to draft – If there is one thing Mangini and the Jets like more than winning, it’s dicking over his old team. “Undefeated season? Pssh! We stole your draft pick!”
#7 – Not who the Jets thought, but someone even better -
Mangini: “Nooooooo!”
Belicheck: “Mwuahahaha!”
#8 – Raghib Ramadian “Rocket” Ismail – The Ravens have needed help at receiver for years, and when they saw The Rocket on Pros Vs. Joes, they knew they’d finally found their answer.
#9 – Inmate 54082 – They’re super pissed Vick is off the board.
#10 – Peyton Manning’s First Born Son – Hey, Drew Brees can’t throw forever, and they feel like they owe it to Archie.
Enjoy the draft this weekend. Oh, and if you get tired of seeing the NFL Draft Hat commercial over and over again, just remember that someone is getting paid for that running so much. And that someone just happens to be me!
this blog site is total crap. i wouldn’t write for you guys if you needed it to live, this is a joke of a blog. absolute garbage.
Well, if you feel that way I’ll just discard your official offer email then….
It’s amazing how everyone analyzes the draft to death…I am an NFL junkie as much as the next fan, but c’mon!
I actually thought this was pretty funny….
your post is total crap. I wouldn’t ask you to write for me if you needed it to live … yours is a joke of a post. absolute garbage.
Yeah…saw the Bengals slam coming as soon as I started reading. That joke is two years old now. Chris Henry is cut. And there’s only been one arrest in the last 12 months. I guarantee there’s more on other teams.
I’m guessing if the Vikings were in the top ten you’d have made a boat joke.
Thanks, Hot Clicks, for wasting my time with this snooze fest.
Actually, my Vikings pick is “new uniform colors”.
Purple is so last spring!
love the jets and patriots picks, plus the lions in a surprise pick trade up to number five to take Devon Thomas, Millen “We realy need to solidify the receive corps.”
You should have had the Chiefs pick J.D from Scrubs. I think he could be great deep threat for a team so starved for a fictional TV character.
Very funny. Well done. The guy that bashed this blog obviously knows nothing about football.
good work, i very much enjoyed
Doing the whole first round would have been the appropriate way to do it, and a doable task for someone with actual talent beyond the obvious scope.
10 teams with atleast three being obvious go-to jokes, which you unfortunately went to for each.
Too predictable.
Listen Smarter than Yea, these comments have brought to light someting really important that’s not at all meant to be joked about.
DLamp has a serious, potentially fatal illness. He really does need writing to live. The only thing that can keep him alive is sports blogging, so rejecting him may mean certain death. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. His blood is on your hands.
Dolphin have pick LT. Defensively, they’re solid. They have solid defenses.
Is Hot Clicks hosting an angry commenter convention today? Sorry to waste 3 minutes of your life that you were using for the all-important task of scouring links that someone else provided for you.
And for TJ- your math is a little off. You must’ve forgotten to carry the one or something: http://www.bengalsgab.com/2008/04/07/running-back-quincy-wilson-released/
Looks like 10th in 14 months. One in 12 months was close though.
Perhaps the joke was not refined enough for your sophisticated comic palette, but still accurate.
everybody who hated this post took it too seriously. i thought this a clever and funny mock draft
You made a mockery of a mock draft. AND YOU DARED TO USE JOKES THAT ONE MAY CLASSIFY AS OBVIOUS WHILE OTHERS MAY CALL RELEVANT. The nerve!
haha he’s right, who the hell cares what the panthers do!
good work
LIGHTEN UP PEOPLE IT WAS JUST A JOKE. jUST LIKE WHEN THE JETS TOOK ME WITH THEIR FIRST PICK.
I thought that I was the Jets Joke pick.
Danny – who did you blow to get SI to link to you guys so often?
I’m so proud. That’s what they mean by ‘getting a head’.
all you guys who were offended by this posting…GET REAL AND CALM DOWN! IT WAS JUST A JOKE! it was funny and entertaining for the 2 minutes it took to read.
seriously all you haters out there need to calm the hell down and stop being so critical and offended. IF YOU DIDNT LIKE IT FINE IT ONLY TOOK 2 MINUTES OF YOUR PATHETIC LIVES!
STOP CRYING
I just want Danny to know that there is always a place for him at SI. My daughter speaks very highly of you and your writing is great. I have had my fair share of “haters” but you just got to keep your chin up. Take care. -P.K.
If I ever got 25 comments on anything, I’d consider my life a success.