I had a doctor’s appointment this week. He said the ‘ol ticker ain’t doing so great, and that a glass of wine will do me a whole lot of good. So I stopped by the CVS on my way home and picked me up a box for watching the games tonight. Let’s hope it doesn’t ruin this wonderful night of baseball for me…
Pittsburgh/Mets – Rained out
Highlight – Not having to watch the Pirates play. God they’re awful. I swear my slow-pitch softball team could take these guys. And hey, this wine shit ain’t so bad…
Lowlight – No Robin Ventura to slide around the tarp dressed as Mike Piazza.
Orioles 3, White Sox 3 (suspended)
Highlight – Man, this is the smartest I’ve ever felt. This whine stuff really does work! Have another glass? Don’t mind if I do. Good thing this stuff isn’t that potent.
Lowlight – Two games, zero final scores.
Reds 4, Cardinals 3
Highlight – Game actually ended, the way god intended it to be! Also, Ankiel homered. I like that guy. Was super good pitcher, then got bad, so he turned into super good home run hitter. Kind of like me in high school. Did I ever tell you about the time I pitched a three-hit gem and had the game’s only RBI on a sweet double off the fence?
Lowlight – Oh man, I shouldn’t have gotten dressed up in my tuxedo just because this wine was making me feel classy. Also shouldn’t have poured vodka into wine box to “make it more manly”.
Yankees 5, Indians 2
Highlight – Tuxedo is off. Just me in my boxers.
Lowlight – It’s over 90 degrees here and these boxers are becoming very cumbersone…
Houston 3, Arizona 5
Highlight – I got a buddy in the airforce over in AZ. Says if I come out there he’ll get tickets to a D-Backs game.
Lowlight – Chris Young just isn’t panning out as a lead-off hitter. Don’t get me wrong, the kid is a great talent, but maybe he just isn’t suited for the #1 slot. Whoa, this vodkawine is freakin’ awesome!
Oakland 14, Angels 2
Highlight – Frank Thomas triple. Guy in TV said it was the first since 2002. Good! Now maybe all those Frank Thomas baseball cards I bought in the early 90′s will be worth something now!
Lowlight – Walked up to the liquor store to get another box of wine and a Becket price guide. Frank Thomas isn’t even listed anymore. Crap.
Colorado 0, San Fran 4
Highlight – Stupid Giants get probably only shutout of the season. Second box of wine is going down even smoother than the first box. Maybe I should call Shelly. Man, that chick was great, so laid back. What was I thinking breaking up with her? Maybe there’s still a chance for us. Maybe we can give it another try! I mean, if I can start drinking wine to make my heart healthier, then anyone can change!
Lowlight – Shelly apparently has a new phone number which I am not privy to. Whatever…bitch.
Not too many more games tonight, so I’m just going to curl up here and finish the second box of wine and call it a night. See you next time. Oh, and Shelly, if you’re reading this and open to a reconciliation, then I was just kidding about the ‘bitch’ remark. If not, whatever…
Bitch!
A Beckett price guide… classic!
I really liked the way they came off