Cmon, Tivo, get it together! Cheese and rice. So last night, I was in a bit of a conundrum: do I watch the Lakers try to finally win a game against the Celtics, or do I watch my ultra-hunky boy KERSHAW!1! pitch against another pitcher I love, Greg Maddux? Well, I thought I had it figured out when I decided to watch the Laker game (it started first anyways) and just Tivo the Dodger game so I could skip ahead to all the dreamy close ups of Clayton’s eyes.
Then I get a call from a friend who’s daughter is in the hospital and needs me to watch his younger daughter (5 months old) for a couple of hours. Well, being a good friend, I raced over to watch the child. Only problem was I was going to miss the Laker game. Only solution was to take the child to BJ’s so I could eat dinner and watch the game. The baby is happy and everything is great until the second I place my order. Then the waterworks start. Now imagine a 24 year-old with a baby that isn’t his in a crowded restaurant trying to get the little diaper dooker to stop wailing. Needless to say I missed most of the game. But I knew in the back of my head that my best friend, Tivo, was recording the Dodgers at home and when I was done with the child I could go back and watch the game and have a couple drinks like I had planned to do all night.
Apparently, Tivo is some sort of asshole and didn’t record the game. Anger swelled up in my heart as tears fell down my face. “No KERSHAW!1!? No Uncle Charles? How will I know how many Lembecks he had?”. Luckily that type of information is readily available on the internet. When I first saw the score, I threw my hands up and cried ‘Hossanah!’ because with LA winning 7-2, I was sure My Boy had notched his first major league victory. Then I read the box score…
Noooooooooooo! Final line: 5.1 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, 4 Walks, 4 Lembecks. Dodgers didn’t start scoring runs until the 7th inning when KERSHAW!1! was already back in the showers with his harem of nubile virgins that follow him around. It’s highway robbery that Uncle Charlie hasn’t earned a victory yet. This is outlandish. I am currently penning a letter to my state legislator as we speak:
Dear Sir or Madam,
Please make a law that My Boy Clayton Kershaw will get at least 4 runs for every start he makes. Also, tell him I’m available to get some beers and hang out playing Guitar Hero if he is up for it. Thank you.
Sincerely,
DLamp
PS – UNCLE CHARLIE FTW!!!!one
Tivo don’t know who he’s messing with, huh?
People leave their children in you care on purpose?? You sure it wasn’t a huge “Big Daddy”esk mix up?
OK – 1st you guys can get married. Now you’re taking care of children!?
Do you see America? Do you see what happens!?