Hey, there, it’s your rock of sense and sensibility Jeff Kent, here to tell you about ‘nother movie I saw. But first, let me just get something off my chest here:
VIN SCULLY IS A NO TALENT ASS CLOWN!
There, I said it. Whew! Feels good to get that off my chest. For years I’ve had to listen as people tell me how great he is, how timeless his voice is and blah blah blah. Listen, an announcers job is two fold: Make sure you get Jeff Kent’s stats right and pronounce all the foreign names correctly. I don’t need to hear you prattle on about how ‘ol Jeffy here is hitting better because of some nappy haired PR that just got off the boat and is hitting in front of him. Slacker. But anyways, onto the movie, Tropic Thunder!
Okay, this movie was hi-larious! Hoo doggie! Ain’t nothin’ on this Earth that Jeff Kent likes more than makin’ fun of blacks, chinamen, fat people, retards, Jews, clowns, northerners, and homos. And this movie had all of it!
First they make fun of faggy actors for bein’ so faggy. Aww, the little drama nerd needs everything to be pristine in order to pretend to be someone else? Screw that, boy! Jeff Kent could hit .283 with 25 HR and 115 RBI playing a team of polar bears in Siberia and wouldn’t complain once. In fact, it’d be nice to be in a league full of whites again. But I digress. Ben Stiller plays the lead character, who’s name I didn’t bother remembering, and turns out to be faggy. And a Jew. Who knew? But watching him get hit in the face was pretty damn funny!
Then there was the best performance by an African that I’ve ever seen in a movie: some dude named Robert Downey Jr. Boy did this boy have blacks down pat. It was mystifying. Good work, Downey.
Now, I feel I must address the controversy surrounding this movie. Some retards got all retarded about using the word retards in this movie. What are they, retarded?! Wait, nevermind. But this is just like calling someone gay. It doesn’t mean I think you are a homosexual, it just means you are not cool. Same with retarded. Why can’t they get it through their over-sized skulls?!
Another reason this movie is so great is that ‘Merica goes in and kicks the hell out of some slant eyes. Yee. Haw. Now, Jeff Kent remembers Vietnam a little different than that retard Forrest Gump. The way I remember it, we went in there and kicked their damn teeth in and taught ‘em a damn lesson! But then Hollywood and all their queer Jews get ahold of it and make it look like we didn’t know our guns from our dicks. I’m just glad someone got it right. I can’t tell you how many sleepy headed little kids I kicked the hell out of while I was over there. Cuz there was lots!
The fat guy wasn’t funny. He never is. Fat people are good for nothing, except making Jeff Kent look that much sexier to all the single moms in the saloon. And he gets all gay too when he offers to…well, I can’t even say it. But rest assured it’s pretty gay (in both the homo and lame ways).
But I highly suggest all of you go see this. It’ll make you laugh so hard that you won’t even want the punch the Mexican guy sitting behind you for smelling like cauliflower. I give it 5 Yee-haws! out of 5.
These movie review are hilarious. Jeff Kent is the ultimate douche. His only highlight I enjoy watching was a juiced Barry Bonds slapping him like he was a toddler. I want to see what Kent would say about chick flicks like The Notebook or Titanic. Or give him about 5 foreign films to review ranging from German to Portuguese. Hopefully this is the last year this idiot plays baseball.
Robert Downey Jr. cracks me up… he’s got a knack for not taking himself too seriously