Most of us have been looking forward to the NFL season like it’s Christmas and we already found the Nintendo our parents bought for us out in the garage. However, there are some people who can’t wait for it to be over. Even weirder, is some of those people are actual NFL athletes. We here at Pyle Of List have compiled the 12 NFL Players Who Can’t Wait for the Season to be Over. Enjoy!
Matt Leinart, QB, Arizona Cardinals - The “golden boy” of Southern Cal has fallen on some tough times. First, everyone gets their dicks bent out of shape because he spends his off-season teaching young women the advantages of a college education. Then, after all his hard work on the ladies of Arizona State, he comes to work to learn he’s been usurped by a geriatric with this for a wife. Yeesh. I mean, how do you lose out to a guy who wears batting gloves on both hands while under center? Don’t worry, Matt, just two months till the Cards are out of contention, and then two more months of meaningless games of Cribbage with Anquan Boldin until you can go back to banging coeds.
Rex Grossman, QB, Chicago Bears – Two years ago Rex could convince himself he was a decent QB. After all he led the Bears to the NFC Championship. But now with Coach Lovie Smith giving the starting job to Kyle Orton, Sexy Rexy can have no further delusions. Yep, buddy you’re that bad.
Shawne Merriman’s Knee, LB, San Diego Chargers – “Oooh, look at me! I’m a big, strong man that’s going to play through a serious knee injury with no regard to the future. And this time without using steroids because they’re sure to drug test you. I’m Shawne Merriman and I throw caution to the wind far more convincingly than my QB throws a skinny post. You will live to regret this decision, you giant freak.” Since Merriman will be so loaded up on exotic NFL-variety painkillers this season (until his knee literally explodes) that this conversation is actually possible.
Aaron Rogers, QB, Green Bay Packers – The only way this can turn out well for Mr. Green Room is if he leads the Packers to the NFL Championship. The only comparison I can think of is when Montana was released by the 49ers and Steve Young had to fill his shoes. That worked out pretty darn well for Young. He became a HOF QB. However, you’ll remember that he wasn’t completely accepted by Niner fans until he won Super Bowl XXIX. Remember that picture of Jerry Rice helping him pull the proverbial monkey off his back?(I couldn’t find the picture online. I still have the yellowed SF Chronicle with the picture in my closet. I promise it exists.) Well, just a hunch, but I don’t think Aaron Rodgers is the next Steve Young. Next year, after the Farve taste is more removed from Wisconsin’s palate, Rodgers should be able to enjoy his position a lot more than he will this year.
Shaun Alexander, RB, Free Agent – Three years ago, this guy won the league MVP trophy and went to the Super Bowl. He is now unemployed and looking for the league minimum. I’m putting the over/under on weeks until we see Mr. Alexander appearing as a special guest on an NFL Sunday morning show at three. Dude’s gotta pay bills, right?
Larry Johnson, RB, Kansas City Chiefs - How many offenisve plays will the Chiefs run this season? Multiply that by 80% and you’ll have Grandmama’s rushing attempts. At least the amount of carries he’ll be on pace for until his inevitable injury that shaves 2 years off of his career. Remember, Herm Edwards is to running backs as Dusty Baker is to pitchers. Sometime in 3rd quarter of the Patriot game, LJ will be longing for the end of the season via schedule or injury, whichever comes first. Bet on injury.
Justin Tuck, LB, New York Giants – Tuck knows what it’s like to hoist the Lombardi Trophy. It wasn’t even that long ago. But that was before Michael Strahan decided to go sit between Jimmie Johnson and Howie Long on Sundays. Subtract 9 sacks for the league leading 53 of last year. Then the pre-season injury to Osi Umenyiora (after confirming on ESPN.com, I spelled that right on the first try…can I get a Whoop?). Minus another 13, and Justin Tuck is left looking around for any help he can get creating that same kind of pressure on the QB that led the Giants to the promise land.
Tony Romo, QB, Dallas Cowboys - Here are your choices: You can continue to play football and have every move you make scrutinized and have large men run at you with the intent to do bodily harm OR you can go back to banging this. Yeah, tough decision…
Javon Walker, WR, Oakland Raiders - Nothing like having to stand up in front of millions of people each week after getting your ass kicked very publicly in Vegas. Poor Javon. He wasn’t even supposed to be here this season! I guess this is what he gets for listening to the Devil (Al Davis). The sooner this year ends, the sooner Javon can slink off into the sunset never to be heard from again. Except in my jokes about Javon Walker getting his ass kicked in Vegas.
Chad Ocho Cinco, WR, Cincinnati Bengals – Every season between Chad and free agency can’t happen soon enough for this guy. You thought the TO/Eagles divorce was ugly….this one has the potential to turn into a drunk Ocho Cinco breaking through a retraning order and turning the once happy family home into a Swat team standoff.
Alex Smith, QB, San Francisco 49ers - He’s the person most likely to be caught crying on the sidelines, narrowly edging out Eli Manning and Nick Lachey. And even more hurtful than the whole “giant bust that couldn’t beat out a bare knuckle boxer” moniker, people had a field day mocking his small hands. Alex seems like the kind of guy that would take exception to that. He’s a little sensitive. And not a particularly effective QB.
Brady Quinn, QB, Cleveland Browns – Hey, Brady. Remember when you were drafted to be the savior of pro football in Cleveland? It’s really too bad that you never got the chance to do so. Countless keystrokes have been spent around the internets already expounding on Golden Boy’s futile plight as the backup to Derek Anderson. So instead, you can just watch this classic: