We all have those people in our lives that get under our skin. Sometimes we can pinpoint exactly what it is that drives us crazy. Other times, we’re not sure why someone rubs us the wrong way, they just do. Oh how I long to take out my aggressions on these people! Just one good smash in the face would learn ‘em real good! Alas, society and my scrawny arms (from living in my mother’s basement, no doubt) would never allow that to happen. But what’s this? Kimbo slice has a big fight coming up this weekend?! Now there’s a man who could do some face punching! So here are the people who deserve it the most. Enjoy! (for those of you not familiar with Kimbo’s handiwork, please visit here, here, and here).
10. Tom Brady - He’s got everything I wish I had: good looks, athletic ability, super model baby-mamma. Now, he’s finally gonna have something I’d never want: a Kimbo punch in the face! Smack the smug look off that pretty face.
9. David Blaine/Cris Angel - We were so close on this one. Although it clearly looks like Kimbo is pulling his punches a little bit, it’s still pretty impressive that Blaine can take a gut shot like that. But I’m not sold. Let me see him take one in the kisser. Then I’ll be impressed. Oh, and Angel? Eff that guy. No one who looks like they dress purely off the sale rack at Hot Topic should be a millionaire and bang hot chicks, so he gets it too!
8. Jennifer Aniston - This one is two-fold for me. One, she’s annoying and I’m tired of seeing her face everywhere because she doesn’t deserve this exposure. She does nothing! Nothing!!!! Blarrrg. Oh god, I just threw up. Where was I? Oh yeah, reason number 2: she’s so thin Kimbo might be able to knock her head off like in Mortal Kombat.
7. A.J. Pierzynski - What an asshole. Seriously. He started off on the wrong foot with me by using his initials instead of his first name. I hate that. Then he dies his hair blonde. Sooooo 1999! Then he just goes and acts like the biggest asshole possible. I probably wouldn’t even have to pay Kimbo to punch this guy because he’d probably say something racist as soon as Kimbo and his posse walked in the room.
6. That guy from my softball league who tried to start a fight with my team - Listen, I play a lot of softball, okay?And I know that is lame. But do you know what is even lamer than that? Being the guy in the league who always has to act like a badass and start fights with skinny white kids. You know we’re not going to fight back so you try to make yourself feel big and strong. Well, it worked. Now meet my friend Kimbo.
5. Joel Schumacher – This’ll teach you to almost ruin Batman!
4. Stuart Scott – I despise the World Wide Leader and Stu Scott personifies what is wrong with the entire channel. Plus, maybe a shot to the head will straighten that eye out. Are you looking at me, or him over there? This is so confusing!
3. Joe Morgan - I hate to pick on the WWL, but apparently I’m not the only one that feels this way.
2. Harry Potter super fans - I like children’s fiction as much as the next person. Remember Goosebumps? Those were awesome. But you don’t see me dressing up as a character from “Night of the Living Dummy 3″ for shits and giggles now do you? And all this clamoring because Warner Bros. decided to push your little movie back? Bogus. Grow up, people!
1. Al Davis - I’m sick of this crap. I’m not a Raider fan and even I think enough is enough with this guy running the franchise into the ground. Plus, the effect of Al Davis’ old head exploding into a cloud of dust upon the impact of Kimbo’s fist would be pretty cool to watch.
Did I leave anyone off the list that needs to be punched in the face? Please add them in the comments!
I was really hoping david blaine would be #1 but Ill accept al davis
Tucker Max
kimbo , your the man , i hope to see more of your comments .
Peter Angelos, Orioles owner.
http://hardfortheyard.com/2008/10/kimbo-slice-vs-peter-angelos.html
Kimbo got KTFO by an also-ran from The Ultimate Fighter who is a light-heavyweight.
como se dice “Over rated”?
Sorry DLamp, I’m gonna have to ask you to reconsider on Morgan and Brady. If you’ve pre-paid for the slugs, lets just give A.J. three of them, sound good? Ok, great.