After reports have come out this morning that the Dallas Cowboys have severed ties with star WR Terrell Owens, we all wondered where his next stop would be.
Some thought that the Raiders would be the logical choice, given their penchant for big stars and drama. Others thought WR starved teams on the cusp of the upper tier like the Vikings, Jaguars, or Bears would be interested. But as is usually the case, TO has turned all cameras and microphones towards himself, telling us all who he wants to play for next.
“I wanna be on the Watchmen,” Owens declared on a live broadcast of ESPN’s Sportscenter.
His words were met by blank stares from Hannah Storm and Josh Elliott.
“Listen, I’ve seen the commercials for that team all over the TV, and I can tell that they have the kind of desire to win that TO needs to thrive,” Owens further explained. “Look, the Cowboys would never go to the lengths that were necessary to win. The Watchmen clearly are willing to do that. Do you know how many times I’ve asked Tony Romo to use an aerosol can and a lighter to make a blowtorch against opposing defenses? Jason Witten to karate some motherf*cker?”
TO’s agent, Drew Rosenhause, later called in to the show to elaborate on TO’s statement.
“Terrell wants to win, and wants to play for a winner. That is all he cares about. All this talk about him being a locker room cancer and a diva is unfounded. We’re hoping that a brave organization like the Watchmen can see through this media blitz and see that my client is the best WR in the league today,” Rosenhause read over the phone.
When reached for comment, each of the Watchmen had a different take on TO’s idea of joining their team.
“Leave me alone!”
“I am not afraind.”
“God help us all.”
“I’ll whipser ‘no’”
“He does realize we are not a football team, right?”