Boom! We are back and ready to shoot, Jack. That’s right, the 2009 MLB season is right around the corner and my boy KERSHAW!1! is already in Cy Young form.
And home run king form?!?!?!
That’s right, not only is Uncle Charles set to break this game open with his improved changeup to go with an already unhitable curve and mid to high 90′s fastball (with movement!) but he apparently has been hitting the cages a bit as of late.
Any why not? I figure that anything KERSHAW!1! puts his mind to is going to happen. He’s just that good. And dreamy. *swoons*
Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, KERSHAW!1!’s ability to do anything. Since he appears to be unstopable, let’s put him to use for the greater good of mankind. Here’s just a short list of things my boy KERSHAW!1! could use his awesome curveball to fix:
The Economy – now maybe every asshole you see in the office/on the street/at family gatherings will shut up about it.
Movies – Things like Paul Blart: Mall Cop need to never happen again. One high and tight to every exec from KERSHAW!1! would put an end to all that nonsense.
Jennifer Ansiton still talking about Bradd Pitt all the time – Trust me, one look into the beautiful vacuum that is KERSHAW!1!’s eyes and she’ll be saying ‘Brad who?’.
The Platypus – KERSHAW!1! will not stand for this nonsense.
The list goes on and on. In fact, if KERSHAW!1! would like to come over to my crappy Los Angeles apartment, I will gladly rub his shoulders and tell him all my ideas about how he can fix the world.
Seriously, call me.
Final game line: 5 IP, 1 Hit, 0 ER, 1 BB, 3 Lembecks