Dear Mark,
Perfect, shmerfect.
Listen, I know everyone else is licking your taint for DOING YOUR JOB but consider me not that impressed. And apparently I’m not alone.
Eighth best. Please. You know what the eighth best perfect game will get you on the streets? Mugged. I once came in eighth place in a cake walk at my school carnival. You don’t hear me SCREAMING FOR ATTENTION NOW DO YOU!
Okay, bad example.
Ah, now two perfect games…now you’ve peaked my interest. So I invest a little time into watching you, again, DO YOUR JOB AND DO IT RIGHT, and what do I get? A walk. To some spare no one has ever heard of. But still, a perfect game followed by a no-hitter would be kinda cool. I guess. Like as a consolation prize. Then a hit by Denard Span. Denard. Do you know how close his name is to ‘retard’? Very close.
Gosh, I can’t wait to see you plumet down James Buckley Jr.’s little list now. Watch out, Mike Witt, you’ve got company down there near 18! Do you know where I am on everyone’s list? Number effing 1! Tops in every category possible. Don’t bother looking it up, I assure I am the best.
One perfect game. Pffft. Call me when you do something cool, loser!
Sincerely,
Brett Favre