With the World Series beginning tonight we now see another boring chapter of politicians making pointless championship wagers. In fact, this might be the worst chapter yet.
Senators Charles E. Schumer and Kirsten Gillibrand, and Arlen Specter and Bob Casey from New York and Pennsylvania respectively have wagered Brooklyn cheesecakes against Philly Cheesestakes. (pardon me while I wash out the vomity taste that my mouth produced at the thought of some intern beaming at the rhyming scheme they came up with)
Are you kidding? Make it worth it, in fact here are a few ideas of wagers that actually make some sense for the last championship matchups in the 3 major sports and hockey.
Philly v. New York
Philly gives up Bon Jovi
New York pays to have Sex and the City completely remade in Philly
That’s a bet. Think about it. What does Philly have that New York could possibly want. Celebrities. The New York area collects celebrities like DLamp collects sports memorabilia. Not that Bon Jovi would add much to the city, but it’s just another feather in the cap of the Big Apple. “Have you seen, we have Bon Jovi now…he right over there next to Jerry Seinfeld.”
And on the Philly side. How could they not want to finally have an overrated show all there own. In my lifetime, the longstanding comedy show has been dominated by NYC from Seinfeld to Friends and then Sex and the City. So it’s time one of them got sold off or lost in an ill advised bet. And don’t try to sell me that “But New York is like a character in the story, the show wouldn’t work outside of it’s unique atmosphere.” Doesn’t fly with me. Every city has unbelievably self absorbed ladies of leisure who love to chat about sex, New York is not alone there.
Arizona v. Pittsburgh
Arizona gets to trade the Coyotes for Penguins
Pittsburgh gets to trade the Pirates for the Dimondbacks
Wouldn’t the Super Bowl have been even better if the teams had been playing to get rid of embarrassing franchises for their cities. As it stands, the Pirates would have finished last in the NL west instead of last in the NL central.
Orlando v. LA
Orlando gets Jack Nicholson
LA gets to send Disneyland to Florida and get Disney World.
Florida would love to have another crazy old guy who yells and screams for fun. He’d fit right in with most of the states population.
LA needs the biggest and best theme park in the world. And it’s not like Orlando doesn’t have enough other attractions to keep the tourists coming in.
Detroit v. Pittsburgh
Detroit gets the Steel Industry
Pittsburgh doesn’t have to move to Detroit
Face it. The auto industry is headed down and Detroit needs the chance to win a new industry to keep the entire state of Michigan afloat.
A Pittsburgh win would save the citizens of the steel city from a fate worse than death. Being forced to live in Detroit.