Be honest, you had Kansas and Villanova in your Final Four, didn’t you? I did. So if you’re like me, you’re looking for a new distraction for this month. Luckily, the internetz is full of people putting up their own tournaments that you can enter. Some have garnered quite a bit of notoriety, like the Name of the Year guys. And that’s fun. I like funny names. But what kind of tournament can I get that’s even better?
Hot girls.
Specifically, hot college girls. Here is the breakdown of the tourney -
“CollegeHumor is on an epic quest to find the hottest college girl in America. We’ve weeded through thousands of applicants and narrowed them down to the 64 hottest. Now, we turn to you. With your votes we can find the hottest college girl of them all. Cast your votes wisely, the girl you all choose gets 5,000 dollars.”
That’s right, these ladies are young and ripe for your judgment. Even better is the fact that you can win $500 just for picking the right hot girl.
But how do you get a leg up (HIYO!) on the competition when the scoring system seems to be completely subjective? Well, that’s why I’m here. I’ve spent the better part of my life ogling women and judging them, as I’m sure we all have. So here are my tips for helping pick the hottest college girl of 2010. Use one, or a combination of multiple strategies. At the end of the day, you’re looking a girls who will probably blow you in the bathroom at O’Horrible’s if you buy them a shot. Enjoy!
1. Go with your gut
You know when you look at two girls which one you prefer, so don’t fight that instinct. This is, invariably, how I start filling this bracket out. I try not to talk myself out of an easy pick. “But DLamp, what if I’m that guy who no one ever agrees with when it comes to choosing women?” Well, welcome to the club. Full disclosure, my favorite Sex In the City girl is the pale redhead. No one has ever agreed with me. So that brings me to strategy #2…
2. Try to guess which girl the majority of other guys will find attractive
This is dicey, but I definitely employ this strategy a few times when filling this bracket out. It’s usually when neither girl really jumps off the screen at me, or they both do to the same degree. When I reach the ‘gut stalemate’ that’s when I try to predict what other guys will think. But be careful, trying to put yourself into other guys’ heads can really make you question your sexuality. Next thing you know you’ve traded a backup running back and a couple of picks for Brady Quinn. And no one wants that, right Bronco fans?
3. Go with the measurables
I’ll admit that every once in a while I go all Al Davis and just pick the girl with the, uh, “fastest 40 times”. I may not love the game film, but the “reps” on the “bench press” are too impressive to ignore. Basically I just vote for a girl with giant cans. I’m a simple, simple man…
4. Read the interview
I know, I know, this seems ridiculous. But this feeds into strategy 2 a bit. I know that the majority of guys (and girls for that matter) that frequent CollegeHumor (and will be participating in this contest) are in or around college age. How could I solve such a riddle?! But if two girls are neck in neck in my eyes, I’ll see if one of them is pandering to the college guys. If she talks about videogames, maybe she gets cool points and that gets her on the next round. Or, on the other side of the coin, she is very concise and comes off as cold and distant, and that costs her a victory.
5. Everyone loves a slut
We can scoff and pretend all we want, but that’s the truth! Sure, maybe this girl doesn’t have the best looking face in the world, but you can almost see her nipples! And in another picture she’s wearing a thong! Gah! Maybe if I vote for her, she’ll sleep with me!
6. Look at all the pictures
Seems simple enough, but you wouldn’t believe the guys that just look at the first picture and judge off that. Who knows how many slutty or cosplay pictures are after that first one! When you Facebook stalk, do you just read the wall? No, of course not. You go through those pictures with a fine toothed comb. Employ that same strategy here.
7. Don’t be fooled by the modeling shots
A lot of these girls have had professional pictures taken. Of course they have, they’re young and attractive. But don’t get sucked in by the airbrushed shots with the perfect lighting. Make sure you find some “natural” pictures to make sure it’s not all smoke and mirrors. And if a girl has only professional photos, that’s a definite red flag to me.
8. Don’t overvalue a blond
Some guys get too caught up on the stereotype and assume all blonds really do have more fun, so they must be hotter. This is a foolish, foolish mistake. Many girls think they are hotter because they are blond, and end up being ‘upset’ victims. This is foolish. Just because you play in a major conference does not make you a powerhouse.
The pictures in this article are my favorite pictures of the girls I have in my Elite Eight. Disagree? Let’s hear about in the comments!