Your Local Station, Sunday 4:44am
Hey America, wazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzup? It’s me Brian Scalabrine!
You may remember me from the 2007-2008 NBA Champion Boston Celtics, where I made an invaluable contribution. That’s right, you know I got that BOOM BOOM PAY-OWWWWWWWW!
Anywho, you may have heard that Free Agency was over cuz LeBron made his decision. Maybe now that the King abdicated his throne, people say the market is dried up like my ashy elbows. But that’s straight false, son! Don’t sleep on the most underrated free agent of the year… ME! Brine-Brine, Brian Scalabrine!
Howeva, Bron-Bron did get one thing right… his decision was beamed into the living room of many wonderful Americans, such as yourselves and so forth and so on. Since I was inspired by that dog and pony show on The Worldwide Leader, I decided to buy 8 minutes of air time on your local public access station preceeding “Perspectives” with Lionel Osborne for what I like to call The Decision II! And it starts at 4:44. Get it, starting at 4:44? 44 is my number, yo!
As I was saying, with the Big Red Machine on the market it’s still on like Donkey Kong, baby. I do all the little things that are essential to the success of a franchise: takin’ charges
mean muggin’
Pointin’ at the scoreboard
and yoga!
What’s not to like legitimate title contenders? But on the riz-eal, even if you don’t want those quintessential things, I’ve got even more intangibles. When it comes to NFL betting, The GingerHead Man is your boy, son! I got more lines than the last 10 minutes of Scarface! KG says I’m a crazy-ass white boy AND I give sweet high fives.
So in conclusion, NBA GM’s… HOLLA AT YOUR BOY, ‘Brines!
Now, to our regularly scheduled program
Scal. This is your old teammate from U.S.C. Greg Lakey. Congrats on your tenure in the league so far. I hope this free agent period can reap benefits like the other cats that have signed.
Hey Scal!! good luck in your search..I wish you were back in C’s uniform..
ur fuckin gay brian u didnt even play in the finals
hey brian…comment on how you think lebron handled himself throughout his free agency…is this guy too into himself or what?
BRIAN SCALABRINE IS A FUCKIN SCRUB. HE IS A KISS ASS TO KEVIN GARNETT AND HE CANT SHOOT FOR SHIT AT THE 3 POINT LINE. IM BETTER THAN HIS BITCH ASS
Do your thing homie.
the celtics need to keep scals .the red headed white guys could be a maskot although scalabrine doesnt sound like its irish
Has anybody noticed that the Celtics or any other team in the NBA doesnt want him and hes going to Europe haha thats cuz hes a scrub.