The start of the football season offers so many positive influnces for the male species I just don’t know where to begin. There’s the male bonding thing, allowing like minded men to intellectually exchange thoughts on the pressing issues of our time–such as, “how do you think Ochocinco and T.O. and their massive egos will get along on and off the field this season?” Or the opportunity to unwind after a long work-week by spending 10 hours each day sitting on your ever-enlarging butt, drinking beer, eating nachos, and screaming at the tube about some idiot that just missed a chip-shot field goal and cost you a Bengie.
“Is betting on football!”
The dirty little secret the NCAA and NFL try to keep hidden is that without gambling their sport would get lower Television ratings than curling. And don’t sit there reading this getting all high and mighty saying, “I don’t gamble on football!” Got news pal, fantasy football is gambling, office pools are gambling and picking winners in the paper where there is a cash award is gambling. There are no bigger hypocrites than professional sports organizations such as the NFL, NBA and MLB (Okay, Congress).
But this isn’t a piece about hypocrisy, it’s about the sheer joy of gambling on football.
I believe this is a Pete Rose quote to the MLB Commish.
While on the subject of Pete Rose, if they ever open a sports gambling Hall of Fame, it should be called The Rose. (Don’t confuse with Bette Midler movie/song)
“Comeon, gamblin’ is the American way, getoffa my back!”
Before I give you a few sensible tips for the upcoming season, know this: YOU WILL LOSE! Okay, let’s move on. Here are some other givens.
1. If you take advice from your idiot friends, you will lose!
2. If you take advice from network “experts” you will lose!
3. If you drink heavily before kickoff, then bet, you will lose!
4. If you do 1-3 you will lose more than you have!
“Let’s take a question from the audience, you sir, over there in the green Dolphin shorts and the Mullet, leaning on your red pickup.”
“Aren’t there lots of wise-guys that pick winners every week for other bettors?”
“Why yes sir, there are, and there are playful Unicorns in the Forest and every rainbow has a pot of gold at each end!”
“Uni guarentees Dallas -6 at home this Sunday”
5. It’s alright to quit ahead sometimes.
The reason Vegas rakes in the green and most visitors leave Sin City down is simple–the gamblers mentality. If you are ahead, you tell yourself you are playing with “their” money and you play more and bet more. If you are down, you convince yourself it will get better and you need to get your “chichi” back, so you play more and bet more. In both cases it’s smart to quit, but most don’t. Monday Night Football is the “get even for the week night” and Vegas books love MNF for that reason–”chasers” betting too much on 1 game.
6. Knowledge is power: watch, read, absorb, and with a little luck you just might break even this year…just messin’ with ya, you’re gonna lose your ass!
Also, checkout my website: www.saigonzoo.com and read the first chapter from my memoir about my 22 months in Vietnam (1969-71) as a lifeguard at a swimming pool. It’s the only humorous book on Nam you will find. I actually had a blast (pun intended) during my time in the lost war.
