INT. LOCKER ROOM
Cade enters. Slams the door. Kicks at a locker. Misses.
CADE: Damn it! I suck!
Nick Saban enters. The room grows colder. Cade can see his breath.
NICK SABAN: Cade, calm down. It’s just practice. And that woman’s going to be fine.
CADE: What was she even doing in the bleachers anyway?
NICK SABAN: She works on the grounds crew. Said she wanted to know what it was like to sit at the 50-yard line.
CADE: I’m going to lose the game for us, Coach. I can just feel it.
NICK SABAN: You’re not going to lose the game. You know how I know?
CADE: How?
Nick Saban stares at him intently.
NICK SABAN: Because I can see the future.
CADE: Are you joking?
Nick Saban keeps staring intently.
NICK SABAN: Yes. I am joking. Though now I wish I had asked for that power when I… nevermind. Cade, have a seat.
Cade sits down on the bench. Nick Saban climbs up onto it.
NICK SABAN: You’re too nervous out there. You need to relax. I can help you with that if you let me. Do you trust me?
CADE: Of course I trust you.
Nick Saban reaches towards Cade’s crotch. Stops. Cade eyes him warily.
CADE: Uh… Coach?
NICK SABAN: You’re supposed to grab my hand.
CADE: Oh. Why didn’t you say that?
NICK SABAN: Just grab it.
Cade grabs Nick Saban’s hand. He immediately thinks about death.
NICK SABAN: Are you ready?
Cade nods. The room shifts. They are no longer in the locker room. They are…
EXT. SNOWY MOUNTAIN TOP
A beautiful landscape sits before them. The only sound is the blowing wind.
CADE: Whoa! Did we just teleport?
NICK SABAN: Yes. It’s one of the powers I received when I… nevermind.
CADE: Where are we?
NICK SABAN: This is my secret location.
CADE: You’re secret lair?
NICK SABAN: I didn’t say “lair.”
CADE: Oh. I couldn’t hear because of the wind.
NICK SABAN: This is where I come when the stress gets to be too much. When I think my brain might explode or feel like I’m about to have a Meyer attack. I come here to calm myself before I continue. You can let go of my hand now.
Cade pulls his hand away.
NICK SABAN: I want you to stay here until it’s time to kick a field goal. I’ll retrieve you right before you go out on the field. That way you’ll be perfectly at ease.
CADE: If I have to stay here until I kick, how will I warm up?
NICK SABAN: You can stretch here. The rest is just a mind game. You’ve already got the mechanics.
CADE: No, I mean how will I stay warm. I’m freezing.
Cade rubs his arms. Nick Saban sighs loudly for about thirty seconds. Then he disappears. Reappears with a thick coat. Shoves it into Cade’s arm. Cade puts it on.
CADE: Much better. Wait, won’t people notice you disappearing and reappearing on the field?
NICK SABAN: I’ll get someone to hold up a towel. Okay, I’ll see you later.
Nick Saban disappears again. Cade looks out at the natural beauty. Smiles as he takes it all in. Walks around a bit.
After a few seconds, Cade gets bored. Pulls out his iPhone. No signal. He holds it up. Still nothing.
Cade plays Angry Birds. Can’t hit anything. Suddenly Nick Saban reappears, along with three people. And a dog.
CADE: Mom? Dad? Great Aunt Madge? Sparky?
Nick Saban leaps forward. Grabs Cade. They disappear and reappear…
INT. LOCKER ROOM
Cade looks around the empty room.
CADE: What was that?
NICK SABAN: I left your family on that mountain top. None of them had coats on either. Why doesn’t anyone in your family ever wear coats?
CADE: Why did you take them there?
NICK SABAN: To motivate you. For every kick you make, I bring one of them back. Otherwise they get left there in the cold.
CADE: Well my Great Aunt Madge is like, eighty-five, and I don’t like her that much anyway.
NICK SABAN: I know. That’s why she’ll be the first one saved.
Nick Saban pulls out a tape recorder. Presses play. It plays laughter.
CADE: Coach, why are you doing this?
NICK SABAN: This is the SEC.
CADE: That’s not really an answer.
NICK SABAN: It’s the answer to everything. Now if I were you, I’d go practice some more. Game starts soon.
CADE: But wait… what if I don’t attempt four field goals in the game?
NICK SABAN: You’re as dumb as you look, kid.
Nick Saban walks away.
who ever posted this crap is so freaking childish!!
I’ll see to it that he’s punished.