Ty Webb (Chevy Chase)
Accomplishments: Best golfer at Bushwood Country Club, inventor of “zen putting”
Hall Pitch: A great golfer, and even better man, Webb refused to play golf…for money…against people…unless it was to unseat the evil Judge Smails. Quick with his seven iron and even quicker with the witty retorts, Ty Webb was so good at golf that checks in upwards of $10,000 would just sit around his house, uncashed. Of course that only helped to impress the many young, beautiful ladies that would come over to his house for a late night skinny dip. Ever the philanthropist, Ty could often be found helping other around the golf course, whether it be disheveled grounds keepers, young caddies just looking for a tip, or real estate developers that need to win a $40,000 team game of golf.
Accomplishments: Single handedly carries team over neighborhood douche bags, teaches retard how to play baseball, first and only kid to beat The Beast, once stole home in the major leagues
Hall Pitch: Perhaps the greatest street baller in the history of baseball, Benny’s exploits know no bounds. As his nickname, The Jet, may illustrate, Benny was fast. There was no pickle he couldn’t get out of, both on and off the field. But often overlooked are Rodriguez’s power numbers. Benny was the number one cause of balls being lost to The Beast, because he routinely hit them over the fence at the end of left field (estimated at about 280 ft.). He also once hit a ball so hard, that the cover came right off of it. Benny eventually was given a chance to play for his hometown Dodgers, and stole home in a game that probably meant nothing (because it was the 90’s and the Dodgers were playing in it).
Johnny Lawrence (William Zabka)
Accomplishments: All-Valley Karate Champion, made Karate the coolest sport in Reseda, took harrassing the new kid to a new level
All you need to know about the star power of Johnny Lawrence is that he packed a San Fernando Valley gym for the finals of a Karate Tournament on a Saturday. Don’t forget that the Valley in the mid-80’s was the coolest place on Earth and the epicenter for all things radical and tubular. Instead of partying, surfing or going to the mall they all came to watch Johnny kick ass. His karate skill was second to none and he quickly rose to the top of the stacked Cobra Kai dojo. Should’ve repeated as champion if not for dubious officiating in the final (Lawrence was denied a point for “face contact”, while LaRusso won the final point with a kick to the face), which does nothing to taint his legacy. Watch the match here and decide for yourself.
Kelly Leak (Jackie Earle Haley)
Accomplishments: MVP and de facto skipper of “Bad News” Bears dynasty, MLB-level talent at multiple positions, best clutch hitter of all time
What’s to say about Kelly Leak that hasn’t already been said. You can even throw out the stats (approx .900 BA, 0 errors) and Leak’s an automatic Hall of Famer. Struck fear in the hearts of opposing players at the plate and his ability to make his teammates better led to the one of the most dramatic turn-arounds in sports history. He plays the game right and is a true blue, old school ball player down to smoking a pack or two a day. Leak even drove the team van, when he wasn’t riding some teenage groupie around on his motorcycle.
Vote for the Coaches wing.